Stupid Like Gophers.

I am so hot.

I must be. I've managed to send a marriage into a downward spiral of dubious comments and skeptical glances by simply exisiting... Existing and taking a man to Taco fucking Bell. I honestly give more of the blame to the tacos; they are far more sinful than this sweet, innocent little girl.

This all started before Christmas of last year. A strange, tall man from California had made his way to a shit, little, piss poor town in the quiet suburbs of a booming Canadian tourist community and somehow managed to get a crap job - with me.

I hated him.

He was mean and sarcastic and clever and could insult my tender selfesteem much more effectively than I could his. I obviously kept my distance, and he kept his. It was a perfect non-verbal arrangement that softly existed between the two of us. But of course, that all turned to shit.
Six months later we were buddies. We laughed, we talked, we took turns insulting the Pantry Man with back-to-back quips during our lunch break - it was awesome. Our friendship blossomed into a bitter and twisted commentary of overly-sarcastic boorishness and silly antics. We obviously decided that it was time to outgrow the shackles of our confined business arrangement and explore the opportunities of a friendship outside of work. But of course there was a problem: He was married.
Apparently there's a general train of thought amoungst the majority of women that tends to become much more vivid after marriage. And this opinion is of course, that their husbands are not allowed to exist in social situations with other women. Especially social situations that involve the two of them alone, eating tacos... Fucking tacos!

Allow me to give you the 411 of the marital status of my friend and co-worker:

In his tender, early twenties he moved from sunny California to wed a woman, ten years older, who owns two, almost-teenage children from her first marriage. Up until last week, he had been supporting her, and one of her children on a job that pays less than $1,300 a month, since Christmas, 2004. That alone, pisses me off. If you were stupid enough to have kids, then you need to be smart enough to get your ass off the couch and get a god damned job. I don't care if you gotta whore yourself to crusty old men on the street. They're your kids, you fucking provide for 'em. And don't ask your twenty-something husband to take you to the movies when he doesn't know how he's going to afford groceries till the end of the week to feed YOUR fucking kids. Balls to that.
And now he has no family except his wife. He left them all behind to move to a whole new country to marry a woman he is desperately in love with and she's worried that I'm going to seduce him over halfassed Mexican fast food.That is insulting. Partially because I wouldn't wine and dine someone at Taco Bell, but mostly because I'm not a whore. Or a homewrecker. I'm just a bitch who wants to hang out with a guy who has zero friends and zero family and a big fat zero of a life. But I bit my tongue. He is after all, my friend and he is happily married.

Lately the bombardment of ridiculous comments and absolutely asinine accusations have thrown me right off the handle. His wife had always been a little edgy in regards to my friendship with her husband and fair enough, she doesn't know me. But I have made attempts to try and befriend her, to show her that I'm nothing more than a giant nerd who wants to browse Spawn.com with her husband and go on twenty minute road trips to rid my computer of it's overwhelming virus. I've taken her to the movies, offered to dye her hair. Offered my friend money to buy her presents that he can't afford to buy her... All of which have ended with the ridiculous question of, "Did you sleep with her?"And now, my friend and I are left to discuss the conclusions of her manic mind in the recesses of Wal Mart. And the only thing we've decided is that our friendship is to be confined to the walls of our employment.

I lost a friend because she can't find enough faith in herself to find faith in her husband...

"It seems to me if you can't trust... You can't be trusted."