I Am The Goddess of the Sea.

Greek and Roman mythology is awesome. Boo to the Christians for fucking everything up and leaving us with one God, who is plain and humble and not at all interesting in any sense.
I mean seriously, the Catholic Church wonders why no one takes an interest in religion anymore and the answer is quite simple and obvious: There's no fucking dirt.

Jesus was perfect. He didn't have a wife that he left for sea nymphs with blue hair. He didn't rape women, or turn lovers into crazy-scary monsters with six heads and twelve feet. There wasn't a women with snakes for hair, or half horse, half man creatures walking around. There were no winged cherubs, boats into hell or three crazy old ladies who decided the fates by strings.

SERIOUSLY, HOW COOL IS THAT?

Instead, Jesus walked around with a bunch of boring men who wrote silly things like, "Jesus wept," and now expect us to follow him whole heartidly. Fuck that noise, I want Zeus to come down with his lightening bolts and take some mother-fucking vengence out on some bad people's asses.

Damn. I wish I was Roman.

Anyway, I've decided to be Amphitrite for Hallowe'en. I gotta get me some lobster claws.