Sigh, Friends.

I went eye glasses shopping with my sister yesterday.This wouldn't have been such a deplorable exercise if my sister hadn't have spent TWO THOUSAND FUCKING OSAP DOLLARS on laser eye surgery four months ago. She says that she, "misses her glasses" and wants to, "experiment with things that can make her face look different." So instead of buying fifteen dollar sunglasses from Shoppers, she opts for two hundred dollar Gucci frames from the eye center in the mall.

She says she doesn't want to spend that much money. She'll probably go to Wal*Mart and buy cheaper ones. But still, Ques le fuck? My sister has postpartum with her eye glasses.

Many moons ago, when I was absolutely obsessed with chit chatting on ICQ and IRC and all the other pedophile pickups, I met my dear friend Jason. Jason at first was a charming British fellow, who was overly clever and a very talented writer. Naturally, I fell madly in love with him.
Over the years I knew Jason, the differences between us were more than vibrantly apparent. Jason's a capitalist pig; he'll admit it to you if you ask him. Compared to him, I'm a love-stung hippy and when our personalities met in a spot of ethics or personal preference, man did we clash. I didn't mind though, that clash was what made our friendship appealing. We both made our mistakes, but because of our dueling personalities I was able to forgive him and he, not at all.
In our last conversation he said he lost his trust in me completely. He said that I was welcome to talk to him, but our friendship would never be intact again. I didn't want to be a source of procrastination, or a filler in the middle of a boring business day, so I just let it go.
There are days when I miss him entirely too much. He was a source of inspiration to me and because of our lack of correspondance, there is a noticeable lack of creativity in me. And then there are days where I burst with frustration when I think of him. My sister's birthday for example, the day I left for New York, oddly his birthday too - I was in an awful mood.
There are things about him that finally make sense. Like how he seems to only date women from the other side of the universe, so there will always be an exscuse to mask the real reasons when it's time to breakup.
I asked him to stop reading my blog. I'm sure he hasn't. He needs that insight into other people's lives. Wether it be for comparison, understanding or education he attempts to stay connected to people through a medium with the smallest amount of commitment.

Jason.

The poster child for an unhealthy fear of normal commitment to the people he cares about.

Poor soul.

I've only worked seven days in the entire month of February. That means I saw Josh two days during the entire month. That's weird.
I'm afraid that he lied to me about how he stopped reading my blog and read the entry about the 3'somes. There's a massive part of me that doesn't care if he read it because as I've said so many times, it's my fucking journal. And then there's the motherly bit of me that's afraid of my potential screwup in my obligation to him.
I told him ages ago that I was going to be his friend through thick and thin and now, I haven't seen him in an entire month. Yeah, fair enough, I was on vacation, but I hardly made an effort.
Andrew has been telling me for ages now not to put myself in situations that have potential for disaster. I agree with him completely. Unfortunately when the stripper fight blew up, I used that line of reasoning on him and he in turn, shot it right back regarding Josh. That fight was when Andrew really expressed his disliking of my friendship with him and that was when I finally felt guilty enough to stop hanging out with Josh.
Oddly enough, almost a week after the fight, Josh for the first time asked me to hang out with him and I told him no. I feel like shit for it. The whole time I've been going on and on about how he should just tell his wife to fuck off and now I'm in the exact position that he's in.

I don't know what the deal with Thom was. He really is the one person that bugs me the most because the mistakes in our relationship were made when we were both young and inexperienced and now, in a slightly more educated existence, I can't talk to him about it because he's fallen off the face of the planet.
I don't know why I want to talk to him. From what I understand, he's turned into a strikingly large arsehole as well. I wish he'd come out of hiding and prove me wrong or right.

Rob.

I love Rob. I wish he was tangible so I could talk to him.

I know Katie has her own life to live on the west coast, but it's weird when she just sorta pops in for a minute. It's terribly motherly. Sort of like someone is hoovering over my existence and making sure everything's ok from afar. I don't like that she knows so much about me now and I so little of her, but I would never want her to stop reading my blog.
Again, I wish she was tangible as well.

My friends are fucked. But I suppose that's just a reflection of myself. Or maybe I'm the fucked up one and I make everyone fucked up. Probably the latter.

I watched Pollock last night.

Compared to him, I'm really not that bad.

But I'm still fucked.