Head Pains.

My head feels like it's going to split.

I'm always excited about coming home until I actually get home.
I brought bags of rolls to my Aunt Ruth's and my mothers for dinner. Neither of them said anything other than, "but we already bought rolls", and then threw them in the corner with the other bread.

Brutal.

It's harsh when you put so much effort into something, think that you've done right by it and then have the people who are supposed to be completely enthused by your hard work and efforts be completely unimpressed.

But Thanksgiving was nice, as far as Thanksgivings go. It was just more overwhelming because of relatives I haven't seen in almost ten years. My cousin Matthew is huge and his siblings are little brats. I'd rather eat fish daily than raise those two children. Blech.

So far my mother has only ruined Thanksgiving in a minor Dianne way.
She put my sister on a scavenger hunt of bullshit this afternoon, which ultimately prevented her from being able to get to my father's at the appropriate time. That's just not cool.
When I finally got to her house this eve, the only thing she wanted out of me was the schedule of my cousins, when they were going to see her and to have me listen to her complaints about my uninterested and selfish sister and her hangups over her divorce from my father that occured five years ago.

"I'm sorry you're not feeling well mom. I'm sure everyone would understand if you called dinner off tomorrow. If you're not feeling up to it, don't feel obligated to cook for us."
"Is that your way of telling me that you don't give a shit about dinner because you've already had one and I'm not important?"
"Stop acting like a pyscho. I want you to have dinner, but I don't want you to overwhelm yourself with it. If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be here."
"Don't talk to me like that."
"Then don't lay guilt trips on me for wanting to spend time with my father."
"I just want to know why no one comes over here when I invite them."
"What the hell are you talking about? Who hasn't come over that you've invited?"
"Andrew didn't."
"Andrew has dinner with his family tomorrow. I'm sure his mother would have been thrilled to know that he was missing it because of your personal issues."
"You don't understand."
"Of course I don't. Which is why you need to go to bed and leave me the hell alone."

And so she cries and I completely don't care because that is just flippin' retarded.

Hence the splitting head.

***

I can't stop thinking about my trainspotting infatuation.

I am severly lacking sleep and I am severly breathless with the state of my new friendship, for a lot of reasons.
I told myself that I wouldn't talk with him till Tuesday, just to give the situation room to rest and to allow myself to regroup, figure out what the hell I want and then make corresponding decisions for the benefit of both of us.

And I just sent him an email with my mother's phone number.

I have absolutely no will power.