Moral Decency.

So the plan is to stick with my decisions and just DO WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO.
Andrew's dad says,

"What's the big deal? When you propose and she says, "yes" you've already made the decision to get married. You don't freak out about the wedding day."

Fair enough. But I'm not getting married.

... And what the fuck. Hedley has good harmonies.

Anyway, he's right.
I do just need to grow a set and move in with him, go to school and see what happens from there. As much as everything in my gut is saying, "don't do it!" I honestly don't have anything to loose if I do. I get an education, I may possibly fall into a job that I enjoy, I may find that I actually am madly in love with my boyfriend and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. Chances are though that, that scenario is not going to happen.

Right now most things just feel dead, especially my relationship with Andrew. I've expressed to him my concern over, "freeloading," but he says it's alright. Obviously I cannot support myself on a part time job at Wal Mart and obviously he knows this. He also knows that I'm scared shitless that him and I may be over come April, but he's ok with it, so what the hell! Free room and board, a thirty-two inch flat screen tv, free internet, a warm shower and a semi-comfortable soggy bed. How can I say no to it?

Oh yeah, moral decency. That whole using someone when you don't think you're in love with them anymore is sorta picking at the back of my brain.

Shit.