Ruins.

My relationship with Josh has finally reached the, "fucked-up-beyond-repair" status.

The whole scenario that I posted about last has seemed to be a gigantic misunderstanding. However, misunderstanding or not, the feelings that I own regarding the situation and it's events are hard to let go of. I don't know why.
Josh is confused about a lot of things and I can't blame him in the slightest. I don't think I'll ever be able to articulate properly why I can't hangout with him anymore because I don't think it's possible.

My relationship with Josh has gone from, "nerdy-weird-saturday-afternoon-gaming" to, "just-simply-fucked" and this is why:
In my last email from Josh he confessed that his wife has decided that it is ok for him and I to have sex and while they are not in an open relationship because that's not what he wants, she understands if we decide to fuck for kicks.

Out of all the insanity, out of all the misunderstandings, out of all the mind-numbing stupidity that my relationship with Josh has been over the past year and a half, this has tipped me over the brink and has left me flat out stupid.
I don't understand how a woman as insecure as Ann can decide that it is alright for her husband to screw a girl who he has deemed his, "dream woman." I don't understand how all the second guessing and the ridiculous accusations of my character have just randomly vanished. I don't understand how its ok for him to be ok with this decision and I definitely cannot understand how he expects me to be ok with it, 'cause DAMN, THAT'S JUST FUCKED.

Is it possible to summarize everything with, "No?"

I feel like such a bitch for it, but explaining this situation to Josh seems incredibly tedious.
No Josh, I cannot be around you because it will ruin your marriage. No Josh, I cannot fuck you even though your wife says it's ok. No Josh, I cannot explain my emotions regarding this situation because they're non-existent now. No Josh, you didn't mean nothing to me, you just have to mean nothing to me now for both of our sakes. Just, no.

I feel like I'm breaking his heart. I feel like I owe him something that I can't possibly give. I feel like I should do whatever he wants because of things I've done wrong.

I feel like a mess and the more I'm faced with his pleading eyes and words, the more I never want to see him again.