Spring Cleaning.

I walked from Donlands Station to my house today in the rain and it was awesome. My socks were soaked, my hair was ruined and I'm sure I looked like an absolute fool to all the motorists that past me, but I didn't care. I just needed to walk.
There's a giant peace that settles in me when I move. If I had a discman today, I probably would have looked like I was bouncing on a cloud; when music and fresh air hit me at the right time, I light up. I'm happy that I'm finding the time again to walk like this. I miss it.

The level of independance that I had managed to take such joy in two weeks ago has found me again. Mind, its not exactly bursting out of me like it was last week, but its there and I'm happy to be friends with it again.
All of the ill feelings that had been washing over me seemed to have vanished with a string of thought out words and what I hope was sincerity. I'm calm again. Collected. Some may say a force to be reckoned with and all I have to say about it is, "Thank Fucking God."

The fight that I got in with my sister two nights ago seems foolish.
Her perspective still pisses the living shit out of me, but the underlying fact that she is my sister seems to outweigh the offensiveness of it. No matter how much of an ass my sister is, I still manage to find my way back to accepting that, that's just the way it always will be.
I'm just waiting for the character to catch up to the philosophy when it comes to Stinky. I hope she manages to acheive it.

There are bits of me that feel guilty and ashamed for the way I've been acting. For the long and overly emotional blog entries, for the nagging and needy personality, for expecting something out of someone that owed me absolutely nothing...
I've realised that I hide myself from any type of emotional connection because I'm afraid of growing more cold and ridgid when it breaks. That childlike innocence that I used to have isn't there anymore and I'm in desperate need of it again.

I'm going out with my friend Dom on Saturday. He's taking me to the Distillery. I'm going to ruin that man in the most happiest of ways. Its time for me to start finding that innocence again.