Mister.

I've taken to posting conversations or quotes in my blog that evoke an emotion in me that I want to remember. For the past little while, most of the feelings have been negative... I guess it's just made more sense to remember the shit things as opposed to the positive ones. For some bizarre reason, they register as more life defining.

I know I've posted before about my random insecurities - About being almost twenty-six and lacking a purpose or meaning in my life. I know I've written about falling in love, about the way men have made me feel, marriage, sex and my general expectations and dislikes of relationships. I don't know why, but suddenly all those posts seem a bit silly.

My aunt asked me two years ago if the man I was dating was, "the one." I've never really been too hung up on the idea of one person for the rest of time - I also think it's a bit insane to be able to know so early in a relationship. I told her I had no idea and she said, "Well he's not."

Retarded right?

I've just ended a two year relationship and have randomly stumbled into a new one.

Three weeks ago I wasn't keen on the idea of buying into a new boyfriend.

For the first time I had no expectations of a man and when I say that, I actually mean it. What I found was someone who mirrored the lack of expectation and in finding that, we somehow managed to slide into a state of mutual understanding. Whatever it was that we were doing needed to stay nameless - It needed to be slow and it needed to be respectful of the delicate situation that surrounded it. That didn't really work.

The emotions that I hold for this man are indescribable.

I've met an equal - Someone who shares the same terrors and insecurities as me. Someone who is vulnerable and unsure. Someone who understands that a relationship isn't a status, it just is.

And I don't want to trivialize it. This isn't cliche. He is not like the rest... Shit. Does saying that make it so?

I could spend the rest of my life lying in bed beside him, looking into his "tired" eyes.

But I of course don't see his tired eyes. I see a man looking at a woman who he wants to take care of and when I see that, his eyes start to sparkle and anything seems possible.

I see a strong and caring man who is loyal, honest, decent, kind and undiscovered. I see a person who is loved. Completely and utterly.

So for the first time in my life, the world has stopped.

I am standing still, in the arms of a beautiful man and I don't give a flying fuck about anything. I'm not scared, I'm not worried - The only thing that seems to matter, are his sparkling eyes.