Brettsky.

I don't know why I gravitate to the people I do.

I've come to notice that I usually click with douchebags and I'm not entirely sure why. Actually, I should probably rephrase that: I've come to notice that I think I click with douchebags. I obviously don't, as most of the normal populace of the universe doesn't enjoy being around jerks, but for some reason, I always find myself around them.

So this makes me wonder, am I a jerk? Do I possess something that welcomes me unannounced into their club? Am I a walking target? Do I like being shat on by people who just don't understand the importance of being good to their friends (and I use that term loosely, as I've also noticed that these people I'm around, usually don't understand the meaning of that word).

I've also noticed that I tend to justify being around jerks, even though they've wronged me. Je suis tres stupide.

Fortunately for myself, after years of dealing with my mother's empty apologies and painful comments I've somehow managed to understand that there is a line, and although it may take me a few brutal comments to realize that that line has in fact been crossed, at least I've finally found it.

Yesterday I told my friend Brett that I didn't think he was someone that should be in my life anymore.

He didn't ask why, he wasn't shocked, he wasn't sad. In fact, he gave no visible sign of any type of an emotion. All he said was, "OK" and went on his merry.  I said in response, "And this is why I've decided to end our friendship", and he said, "Sure."

How do you do that?

How can you spend X amount of time with someone and consider them a friend and then just say, "OK" when they decide never to talk to you again? That's fucked!

The worst part about this was that when I decided to tell him that our friendship was over, I was very unsure of the decision.

I understood that he was disappointed about my inability to visit him during something important in his life, but it was beyond my control and the fact that he held that against me, bothered me considerably. That part I let go.

When I told him that I couldn't go because my grandmother had a stroke and a heart attack the day before my departure for Stratford and his only reaction to the bad news was, "Well, I guess that's a valid reason", was when I decided I had enough of his self-centered bullshit.

He never asked how I was, he just jabbered on about his dinner. There was no concern, no apologies for my pain or stress, just, "You're missing a good dinner." That's when I told him he was an asshole, and that was when he told me that if I wanted to talk about my grandmother, I just had to say so.

It is sad that there are people in this world who have been hurt so badly that they've forgotten what its like to relate to people. 

I hope there is a day when Brett is able to relate to an honest and sincere individual again. I hope he realizes that there is more to life than what is going on in his universe and I sincerely hope that he acknowledges that he will be very lonely until he manages to do these things.