Missing: Middle Finger & Butter.

I cut the side of my God damned middle finger with a mother fucking meat slicer.
When I decide to cut off portions of my body, I don't go small I go HUGE. Why be stupid and endure the agony of a painfully dull knife when you can have a razor sharp, rotating blade slice you cleanly and accurately? Seriously folks, if it wasn't for the intense throbbing and the asinine amount of blood pouring out of my digit, I never would have felt it. Go figure.

And just to prove to you all how fecking tough I am, I wrapped the bastard in a towel, delivered 15 pizzas to small children (while traumatizing them in the process), came back and made a hella-sweet bacon cake. That's right, a bacon cake.

Fuck you convention! I want fatty pig tissue in my desserts.

It was nice (for once), to work with the Chef.
It was nice (for once), that the Chef actually acknowledged my intelligence and opinion. It was nice (not so much for once, because I generally do have a clue, but for some reason I bumble a lot in this kitchen), to stand there with my brain fully backing me and it was AWESOME to actually have left a positive impression on a man who is so incredibly self-involved that he would barely take notice of a homeless man dancing naked through his kitchen.

*sigh*

Anyway, we made bacon cake which is (yes, you guessed it... You smart bastard), a cake with bacon fat in it.
Yeah, this probably sounds gross to you, but that's because your culinary knowledge is non-existent. If done right, a bacon cake can taste exactly like a stack of pancakes with a crispy side of bacon. Unfortunately, the chef has yet to master this formula.
So tonight I took it upon myself to perfect a recipe. I failed to accomplish this, but it was still considerably more awesome than the Chef's.

While the cake was very tender, it didn't have the taste that butter provides. It needs more butter. So I unfortunately have to find a way that will allow me to incorporate all the glorious wonder of bacon into a cake that isn't going to put the fat ratio over the top.

I'm thinking... Crisp up some bacon, throw it in a food processor and make some bacon powder. Supplement this for some flour and I'll have a pile of salty-bacon goodness... I wonder if it will work. Either way, it will be fun to experiment with.

Doing this today rekindled the pastry fire under my ass.
I think I need to start doing things outside of bread... I think I need to start creating my own recipes so I can have something to be proud of.

I think I need to buy some more bacon and change my Hello Kitty band aids.