Empty.

I'm not ready.

I forgot what it was like to exit a relationship. That sense of freedom and availability only lasts as long as you can keep someone new from whispering something sweet in your ear. All those emotions of guilt, of faith, of familiar touches and comforting voices bursts back in and you just realise, you're not fucking ready.

I don't feel anything anymore.

My ability to be in love, my desire to be close to someone and to understand the depths of their personality and soul is non-existent. I don't know how long its been missing, but I imagine having my hair pulled until it gives me headaches, or being slapped across the face while someone is getting off on me is the emotional substitute.

But sex doesn't even interest me anymore.

Andrew told my sister a week ago that he didn't feel anything anymore. I thought at the time that it was harsh, but after being placed in a situation where feelings were being provoked, I realised that I'm not that far behind him.