Caught By The Window.

So I was driving home today and I looked up at the sky and the stars were so pretty that I smiled like an absolute baboon.

I think it was the mixture of stars, good music, and driving a car that has four working tires that made me so gleeful.
I thought of you just then, about how it would be nice if you were sitting beside me so I could say to you, "Aren't the stars pretty?" And you could look at them and take the same simple pleasure in a sky full of twinkling lights because I think you would like that, and I would smile even more because you would smile and then everything would be awesome.

Inside Out.

I would just like you to know that I am simply infatuated with you. Completely and utterly in awe of you in every way.

Its disgusting.

One of the girls came into work today and asked me how I was doing and I said, "I'm fantastic." And she said, "Did you have a date this weekend?" And I said, "I sure did." And she just giggled at me, as it was very obvious that I was very, very happy.

But back in reality I am trying desperately hard to remain a civil and respectful young woman who doesn't push her excellent friend Bryce into a weird feeling. Its hard for me to feel unattatched to you and the more time I spend with you - talking to you, touching you - its becoming increasingly difficult.
I think maybe the best way to describe how I'm feeling is to turn your jellybean song around and bestow it upon you. I know that you're not liking another girl to be mean, and please don't feel like I'm trying to make you feel bad about it.
I suppose I'm just trying to acknowledge subtly that I'm taken with you and trying to be indifferent to that feeling is turning me inside out. Being with you is like getting a really awesome birthday present only to be told that you have to give it back after you played with it for a couple hours.

I guess I'm being pulled in two different directions: The Anna that wants to want you and the Anna that is constantly slapping me across the face for being so stupid with my emotions.
I don't know why you make me defenceless - I would never let a man do this to me. Its scary that I let someone do this to me.

I am a ball of emotional turmoil. Who needs birthcontrol to make me loopy when I have you?

You gave me so many good feelings this weekend. I don't know why you like me, and I wish I could feel some sense of false security in the idea of it, but I don't. I'm troubled by it and I think its beginning to make my head a bit confused.

How long does it take to know if you like someone enough to date them? I'm not quite good with this whole being social with lots of partners stuff and so I'm not entirely sure of the rules. I'm sure you share the same problem.

So yeah, I guess what I'm saying is that I should probably stop doing what we're doing because its harder than I thought it would be. I've never liked anyone as much as I've liked you and its beginning to be a bit overwhelming, a bit too scary and a lot of difficult.

I keep telling my head that I should know better, but when I try to summarize our relationship, all I can think is that you're indifferent to it. I know that's not the case, but sometimes its hard to wrap my head around situations that are anything but ordinary.

Please don't view this as me being dramatic. I really wish that I was as tough as I say I am, 'cause this would probably be a lot easier.

Six Strings.

"Whatever happened to the asexual girl that I was chatting with?"

There's a certain sense of, "Que es le fuck?" flowing through my body right now.
This sense can only be described as the shivers that run down your back when you listen to an incredible song, paired with the fuzzy feeling you get when you think of someone unbelievable. Its like rocking on the brink of half sleep and awake.

I hate it.

I Promise Not To Be So Mean, If You Call Me Your Jellybean.

Oh Mr. Hallett.

Walking upstairs to find that you had yet again, sent me another email *while* we were talking on the phone made me smile with so much glee I almost made myself puke.
Its nice to know that someone's thinking of you throughout the day - It makes me wish that I had an office job so I could send you the same kindness. Its sort of hard to send messages through baked goods.

But I think about you a lot.
I almost got a little scared when you said in your email that you were going out this evening. Not that I don't want you to go out and do fun things, but I genuinely look forward to coming home to talk to you after a long day of baking. I almost never want to meet so that this happy place that we've found in eachother's verbal company can last. I can't imagine what would happen if I came home to this every day. I think I'd be the happiest person on the planet.
Is it kosher for me to say something like that this early on? What I'm trying to say is that I can't imagine being anymore happier than I am now. My life over the past three weeks has been ridiculously stressful and then all of a sudden you walked into it and I haven't had a negative thought, a worry about money, a panic attack over stupid crap... I'm just happy.

Wow. This song only took six minutes to download.
I'm incredibly partial to this song for a lot of reasons, mostly because you sent it to me. I'm not sure if it was because I picked it up in the background or because you wanted me to hear the lyrics. I find it strangely odd that I can find some sort of semi-relative commonality in this song for you and I.
A song in November (Hey look, its November), a Boston Cream is a pastry (It's actually one of North America's only original pies. Yay for useless information!). I have no money and hell, I don't know where it went. I love olives, I'm half asleep when I talk to you (and more than likely half make believe), and really, I'm just mean. No seriously. Grrr.

Anyway, I love this song. I've already listened to it ten times. I think it will always remind me of you. Thank you for it.

I know I've told you that I'm fairly unsociable, and cruel, and tough, but I don't think you'll ever truely understand how much.
I'm actually really surprised that I am the way I am with you. Its like you've somehow unearthed the girl in me that has been hiding for five years. When I'm speaking to you, you let me be the person that I want to be, but can't be around other people. It scares me a little, only because I don't know how to hit the stop button. I'm completely defenceless to you and I'm still trying to wrap my mind around how that exactly happened.
I hope this little confession doesn't trouble you much. I'm not entirely sure how to tell a person that they are absolutely stunning in every way possible without sounding like a complete retard. You've left me a bit inarticulate, a bit fuzzy, a lot happy and whatever happens between you and me, knowing that someone out there was able to "free" the person in me - the person that is still good, kind, gentle and caring allows me to put some sort of faith back into a race of people that I could never relate to.

I hope you don't mind a young girl having a massive crush on you. Its terribly pathetic, but I like it.

I also hope that you had fun tonight... shooting pool? I'm sure it was good times none-the-less.

Now though, I am going to go tie little bows onto home-made dog buscuits and then hug my pillow and pretend that its your chest... And then probably drool on it.

I'm only twenty-five. I'm still allowed to act out foolishly, fourteen-year-old romance (I practiced kissing my hand in the shower).

Have a sweet sleep Bryce.

xo.