FleursDuMals.

Hello.

I was actually surprised to see a girl had stalked me. I don't think that I had read your profile before, only because I think it would have been something to remember. It was quite brilliant.

I'm going to make a point and/or confession in this email and I hope you'll read through it to get to it. I apologise for my grammar/spelling/anything else that I blatantly suck at.

I unfortunately (out of boredom), turned on the television this evening only to find the most revolting display of human interaction that I have ever born witness to. I never thought I would ever be in a position to hear two women say to eachother, "If we put our boobs together, our brains will work better", but unfortunately I was and now I feel that I'm less of a person for it.

It depressed me.

And I suppose I came online to look for any type of human interaction that would wash such absolute insanity out of my eyes/ears and I do believe I found it in your profile.

I literally was on the edge of my seat when you were speaking about ipods and their power to make people brick walls (I recently just purchased one, but have yet to use it, but I promise to do so with tact). I've spent many o'subway ride searching people's faces for the smallest amount of expression while they're plugged in and I suppose over time, I've become absolutely desperate for people to emote and because I can't find it, feel a tad ashamed of the ability to do so.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I am terrified that people have lost the ability to talk to eachother. I can't believe that conversation has been reduced to, "What's up" and "cool", and I find it completely unacceptable that people don't know where to go beyond that.

It scares me.

Perhaps I am being a tad overbearing or perhaps I'm not hitting the same mark. Either way, your rant made something in my head think that you may understand me and so I took a chance, wrote this really long email and can only hope that you'll think the same.

I will admit to you that I don't usually get along with women. I find them to be very empty, very crude and extremely dull. There are very few females that I consider friends, but the ones I do are the most extraodinary people I have ever met. I suppose I see some of them in you and so I am naturally curious.

I hope I'm not coming across as a complete wacko. I'm good for that sometimes.
Anyway, its late and I am sick. I hope to hear a response.

It was a pleasure reading you.

Finger Lickin' Good.

I was watching American Idol last night (I am not ashamed), and during the commercial break this over-the-top KFC family commercial came on and by the end of it I felt myself sighing lightly and thinking, 'I want that.'

And then I almost fell over.

How did this ridiculous grease-filled commercial cause this hard bitch of a woman to crack? I bet it was the gravy. KFC has some good gravy...

Seeing a happy family cuddled on the couch to spend time together made my insides ache and for the first time EVER, I felt the need to become a mother.
I don't think my biological clock has kicken in. The idea of children still scares the snot out of me. I may have become one of the simple-minded North American public that have boughten into the idea that Friday night needs to be spent with a giant bucket of clogging artery goodness (OH, and family too), or maybe I've finally met someone that I actually want to spend the rest of my life with and the idea of having a family seems like a tangible one.

I feel vulnerable.

I don't want to marry him tomorrow. I know he'll read this, but I don't know how he'll react. He may be happy, he may be scared... Maybe he'll just want some KFC.

I wonder when our butterflies are going to run out. And I wonder how he'll react when the happy glow of new love fizzles out of his head. Will he leave? Will he run back to his office, back to his solidarity to find someone else to become infatuated with? Will he smile at me contently, realising that what he found in me is enough and then settle himself down infront of the TV to watch the free Blockbuster rental that came with the KFC Family Meal Deal? I don't know, but I am both terrified and in love with the possibilities.

Stupid Men.

I'm not sure if you've ever experienced it and I don't think that you'll ever want to if you haven't, but staying in the home of an ex boyfriend, when you are in love with somebody else is an incredibly awkward experience.

You begin to notice the little things that ended the relationship.
The socks in the corner of the bathroom, the paper receipts from the bankmachine strewn all over the kitchen table - or the masturbation box of kleenex perched beside the computer... The man who asks you to buy fifty-four dollars worth of beer because he can't go one night without a drink. Being put on hold while he shoots the shit with his friends while my tires spin in a snowbank. Ah yes, the memories.

That's when the shiver runs down your spine. The destructive power of the cold acknowledgment that you dated someone who was completely incompatible leaves you feeling a bit ill, a bit used and really fucking grossed out.

Did I really let that thing stick his dick in me? Ugh.

I don't think I'll ever understand how men could have this huge need to be with a women, but still manage to do all the right things to make women never want them.

A man that I met over the internet has been asking me to meet him for almost 1/2 a year now. I've never lead him on, never gave him any promises of a meeting other than, "maybe I can meet up with you over the weekend", but fortunately, never managed to find the time to do so.
This weekend the question came up again and I reluctantly said, "Maybe I'll be able to do something on Saturday night." By the time work was over, all I wanted to do was sit at home and stew in the glorious sense of nothingness, so I sent him a message on msn saying that tonight wasn't going to work and that perhaps we could do it another time.

He freaked.

Apparently I'm not a good friend. Apparently I'm a liar and I lead him on for the better part of six months. Apparently his intentions were to not sleep with me tonight.

Yup, I think I made the right decision.

To be fair I never really felt right about meeting him ever since I met Bryce. I didn't think it was fair to him and so I guess for the past two months I never had an intention of meeting him, but that still doesn't make me a tease.

Men are fucking stupid.