Frou Frou.

I'm trying really hard to think that Let Go is anything but a musical campaign to get high, but I'm failing miserably.
Every time I listen to the god damn song I manage to block out the lyrics. It's a good song and it makes me happy to listen and sometimes, it makes me think of the conversations I've had over the past couple days and something in me feels content. The soundtrack to your life crap; that song would be playing on a loop, every night at 11 o'clock PM.

We've finally broke up.
It's done, completely. Nothing has changed though. Well, that's not true, we both realise that it's over, but also realise that we need to function as a couple till April. All those emotions that are supposed to settle in after the breakup haven't come. They're just hanging in the air, waiting to break the minute amounts of normality that exist in this condo.

I looked at the spice rack today and thought, "Why am I doing this? Make this work, you don't want to take that thing off the wall. You bought it with him." I spoke to his mother today and my soul ached over the realisation that the closest thing I've had to a family over the past eight years is going to be gone in four months. I look at him and I smile because I already miss him, but I've been missing him for a long time and nothing is going to set that straight, ever.

Every ten minutes my breath catches in my mouth and my eyes fill with tears and yet I somehow always manage to suck it back. It's like having a terrifying pang of selfrealisation and complete and utter pain pierce your middle and I'm tired of being brave enough to ignore it.

I just kinda want to go to bed for six years. Or stare out a window for a week, blankly, emotionless and absolutely empty. I want everything to stop for me.

I want someone to realise that I'm broken and I want them to fix it.