Loomis Confessions.

Confession One.

"I had the worst evening last night."
"I'm sorry to hear that"
"I cried myself to sleep"
"Oh, that's unfortunate."
"It's bad enough that I'm having problems with my husband, but this menopause thing makes it a hundred times worse."

*Silence*

"Yeah, I'm passing clots of blood the size of small children."

*More Silence*

"That was probably too much information. But seriously, I thought my husband and I would be together forever."
"Well, maybe you will be."
"Doubtful."
"Well perhaps things will get better. Your bill comes to $32.95. How would you like to pay for that?"

Confession Two.

"Thank you for calling Loomis Art Store, this is Anna speaking, how can I help you?"
"Hi Anna, this is Delorsis. Do I know you?"
"Uhh, I don't think so."
"Ok. This is the first time I'll be coming to your store and I was wondering if you could tell me if you carried a certain type of paint."
"Ok, what paint are you looking for?"
"Ceramcoat"
"Yup, we have it."
"Ok, What Subway do I have to take to get to where you are?"
"We're at Woodbine and Danforth, so you'll want to get off at the Woodbine division."
"Do I have to go up an escalator?"
"Uhh, yes. You have to go up two."
"Oh. Ok. I don't know if I'll be coming today because my sister has to give me my allowance."

*silence*

"I think I might be able to come tomorrow though."
"Well, no matter when you come there will be someone here to help you find the paint you're looking for."
"Oh. Ok. Thank you Anna."

Confession Three.

"So what if you were dating someone and you decided that it was time to move in together. You however absolutely despise guns and the person you're moving in with owns one and refuses to get rid of it, even though you've asked them to. Wouldn't you be mad at them?"
"No."
"How could you not be mad?"
"It's their right to like guns and own guns."
"But if you absolutely despised them and they refused to get rid of them, they couldn't love you that much. Surely you understand this?"
"I understand your point, but I wouldn't be bothered by it."
"How could you not be bothered by it? Guns are the epitome of evil. They don't have a single positive aspect about them."
"Sure they do."
"Are you crazy?"
"They create jobs, they keep the peace."
"They instill fear and violence into communities! They're weapons. The only purpose they own is to kill, which is a gigantic negative."
"Well, what if you liked trees and I hated them and I wanted you to cut down all the trees in the backyard before I moved in?"
"That's ridiculous."
"Why is that ridiculous?"
"Because trees are not negative objects. They create oxygen and shade on sunny days."
"And if I swung a tree at you, I'm sure it would kill you just as well as a gun would."

*silence*